Or you can’t always get what you want.

As I am sitting typing this morning at the end of an interesting shift, my coffin open and ready for me to crash for the day, a text message shows up from a friend about fake service animals asking for my thoughts on people’s obsession with having a “service dog” fly with them, for reasons I am not sure. I have a service dog, my second as a matter of fact, and flying with him is necessary, but honestly very distressing, and I don’t do it with a broom, but would if I could or even a flock of flying monkeys, feces flinging and all. From the time I start the reservation process, it’s an uphill battle. At the time, they don’t understand the difference between an ESA (Emotional Support Animal, basically Karen’s purse rider that bites, barks, and piddles in public) and a service animal (A dog, typically, not a cat, peacock, or other animal, trained to provide a service for their person). It continues when I get to the check-in and go through the same litany of explaining the difference, and Karen’s hoard of “children”, trying to pet the doggie, and as with everywhere with my service dog, I have to dodge the phalanx of idiots that want to pet my dog or make cutesy noises or drag his attention from his job. The dog is there to work. He is not there for your entertainment, your children’s, or to eat, bark, bite, or cause a problem to the location we are at, Karen…

The distraction to the dog could be very dangerous to the handler, and this is said for the millionth time by the millionth blogger, and nobody listens to it. Your entitlement kills me, leave the damn dog alone

Of course, now we have Nosey-Nancy in a mall (I have some other names, but I was told not to use those words in a blog) who feels entitled enough to be able to pet the dog, then goes to Where’s-the-Manager-Karen levels when she’s told to stop and chastised for her actions. This is, of course, wrong on more levels than Dante has in his Inferno, which by the way, is a charming vacation spot. Always warm, but you still have to connect out of Atlanta.

 

Careful analysis of this video shows one handler with a dog sitting on her lap and her nose buried in the dog’s fur, smelling the dog. This is a very common technique used by handlers to ground themselves from triggers. So, miss entitlement’s little demands have essentially caused enough distress in the handler for the dog to have to mitigate the situation for the handler because some soccer mom with an entitlement complex thinks she and her brood can pet clearly marked service dogs who are working.

So, what do I care? First off, I have a service dog. It is almost to the point that it’s not worth having the animal and staying home because people can’t control their behavior around my service dog. The second and most important thing I deal with is the request for his prescription as an ESA or service animal. I am probably the worst one to ask for this prescription. I will start with the ESA.

In reality, all animals are emotional support animals if they belong to you. They provide feedback in your daily life and comfort when you’re under stress. If you are stressed in public to the point that you are unable to physically deal with a public situation, an emotional support animal is not what you need. A lot of requests for these in my experience have mainly been for people trying to run around the animal deposit and pet rent in their lease they have with their landlord. The long and the short is, you still are required for that animal to be designated as an ESA to provide paperwork that it is passed a Canine Good Citizen Course, current on vaccinations, appropriately registered in the city and state where the dog resides and is capable of maintaining good behavior in public (Not dogs who run around stores wreaking havoc by barking, fighting with other dogs, and making Services Animals look bad). So, in reality, this is not just any dog off the street, and it has to have special training.

Service dogs are held to a higher standard. Like any ESA, they have to pass the Canine Good Citizen test as well as specific tests related to the condition and the symptoms of the condition they mitigate. While there is no standardized test and certification for service dogs, there are many organizations that help train and monitor those dogs.

The ADA says you can only ask if it is a service dog and what service it performs. Many people are unable to answer specific tasks the dog is able to do if the dog is fake. Many people use this higher standard to pass off their fake service animals. As a handler, I can tell you that you are not automatically granted or able to obtain access to a business or other public place with the service dog. For example, if you have a service dog that is barking, nipping, peeing on the floor, or otherwise just distracted, you can be legally asked to leave. You are not automatically granted access if your dog is being an ass. The best line that I have taught business owners who have an unruly “service dog” is, “it looks like your dog is having a bad day or you may be having difficulty you are unaware of, while we enjoy your business, maybe you should make an attempt at another time when your service dog or you are having a better day.” Most, of course, will typically enrage somebody with a fake service dog, however, most handlers when told this will almost immediately check their behavior and their dogs and come back at another time.

Prescribing these things is actually more serious than just writing out a prescription and requires a great deal of research on the part of a provider. Asking a provider to do this is not as simple as you think it is. Please realize this when you present this question to your provider. Cerberus is nudging me and telling me it’s time to hit the coffin.