There is nothing worse than a bully, except dealing with one. Yet that is what a good number of professional nurses must put up daily to the point where nurses have committed suicide. Rhian Collins, who worked a hospital in Wales, hanged herself in her home in March of last year.

The investigation concluded that her suicide stemmed with issues with fellow nurses. “She was being sworn at, bullied and believed she was continually given the worst shifts on the ward. This led to her becoming obsessed with her appearance, and she would go to the gym four times a day.”

Why do you need to be that horrible to a colleague? Bullying experts say it is because of situational envy. The bully tends to want to prove that they are better through learned behavior that goes all the way back to the days of Florence. They bully to assert dominance over other people, but in reality, they feel insecure about their abilities. Usually, the people who are caught in this are new graduate nurses or those seasoned veterans with different skills sets who start on the unit.

It can occur through a series of small incidents, where a person is perhaps undermined, belittled, patronized or criticized. When taken in isolation each incident may seem trivial so, often, this behavior is not recognized as bullying and is accepted as ‘normal’.

It is tough to prove and even more difficult to get that person to stop, except short of leaving. I know in one situation where I was bullied, that nurse claimed to co-workers that I left because I wasn’t as good a nurse as her. For real? Or even better that, “I couldn’t hack it on the unit.” Seriously. The whole thing is ridiculous, and even to this day, that manager believes her made up bullshit.

Bullies suck, they suck the life out of you. They suck your professionalism, they suck your compassion, they suck your trust, they suck…as a vampire, I should know a thing or two about that. Psychology today gives a little bit of advice on this;

1. Be Confident. Do what you do best and keep a strong, purposeful demeanor.

One of the things I found when I was recently bullied was to stick to what you know. Be strong and confident. This will be one of the tougher things since, in one case where I was bullied, the nurse spent a great deal of time trying to “show” that I didn’t know anything. It was maddening, but a little poise goes a long way.

2. Don’t isolate. Trust tends to be tough when especially in the middle of this.

I know in my last bullying situation, this was definitely a problem since the nurse had a lot of friends and, unfortunately, it was difficult to not end up in a situation that one of their friends might start bullying you. This happened, and fortunately, I was better able to handle the second bully than the first. Yes, my last bully had a network. Thankfully I reached out instead of withdrawing. It actually brought me to a means of resolution.

3. Use Simple, Unemotional Language.

This is tough. I have anger issues. The natural response for someone saying the things this person said seriously made me want to put my fist through the back of their skull. Restraint was tough, and I will be honest, I said a few things that were pretty cutting, but I managed to avoid the nuclear option.

4. Set Limits.

You need to challenge inappropriate language by setting limits for example: ‘I don’t think your tone is appropriate.’” Keep a cool even tone when speaking and practice your responses.

5. Act quickly and consistently.

It is important that you keep setting limits this may tell the bully to move on so to speak. One thing I found with this is that you have to keep doing this on a consistent basis. I know in my case, I needed to be on guard because this doesn’t stop when limits are set on a couple of occasions. My last bully kept at me for a year until she was disciplined for her behavior.

6. Strike while the iron is cold. Stay disengaged and let the bully self-destruct.

If they are doing it to you, they are doing it to someone else, and this behavior is usually noticed.

My last bully was known by management to be just that. Despite her experience, she was not allowed to be the charge nurse (besides other things they make assignments) because she had abused the role. So, I am not sure how management did not keep a more continuous watch on her behavior. While this is tough to say, there should come a time when management says, “maybe you should find another job.” I think that management becomes “worn out” from constantly dealing with these people. I seriously got the impression that they literally just gave up correcting her behavior.

In the end, in the process of dealing with her bullshit and working my way through NP school, I finally had to find a way to bypass an impotent management system and make the complaint. Thankfully, our system has an anti-harassment policy that once the rusty wheels got rolling, she instantly knew that things were serious. It took a little bit to get rolling. I will tell you that when she looked at me after I made the formal complaint, you could see the hatred in her eyes, and she spent a great deal of time talking behind my back from that point on.

Once you have made the complaint, you still need to document any issues. It is important that if harassment starts, that you keep a log with dates and times of the behavior. EEO only gives you approximately 45 days to make a complaint. Documentation of behavior is the best proof. When confronted with specifics, many bullies are forced to accept that they have been noticed.

While a great number of employers may not have anti-bullying rules, they are covered in the harassment and hostile work provisions of EEO. It is important to shut this behavior down. Why you might ask? Well, first off, if a loving, 35-year-old woman, with a caring husband, and 2 children swinging from the rafters isn’t enough to demonstrate bullying hurts, well I dunno, ask her kids in a few years. Yeah, I am harsh about this, but besides killing people, we drive off competent and caring professionals from a profession that can ill afford this. We still have a nursing shortage in this country, and this doesn’t help. We need good people, not these sour, poor-excuse-for-a-human people, to be in our profession. Ours is about caring, and this distraction makes it difficult to be that person or continue the motivation to do your job. Just so you know, this bully drove 5 people, that I am aware of, off our unit to other positions because nothing was done. Her behavior became worse when it was unchecked. Honestly, she should have been fired. I do not know what discipline was given, but I do know she was. I have, of course, left this unit for greener pastures, although I often think of my co-workers that have to deal with that person.

Well, the moon is blood red…blood, mmm, watch your necks.