First, as I am continuing this blog, I am figuring out how to do my thing best.  I watch other bloggers who are incredibly prolific and do daily posts.  Some are good, or some are bad.  Their muse seems to have a pretty continuous flow.  My muse seems to be a drunken monkey who sits at the back of the room screaming and throwing beer cans at people. Many bloggers are the second type since they have a regular job and don’t make blogging or podcasting a part of the daily thing and often let life distract them just like me.  Here we are getting the last nicer days of the year, and I have been enjoying my motorcycle since my injury.  The injury robbed me of my favorite season (even though it is hotter than the Devil’s underpants in these parts) and all the things I can do. Blogging has taken a back seat.

Podcasting is on hold for a bit, Chris is on vacation, and I am giving him some space to enjoy it, although I know he likes doing the podcast. We both hope they are entertaining and informative.  Yes, all those promises to bring people on, are still in the works.  Anyway on to today’s thought…

Be fruitful and multiply, or even better someone’s response to a married friend who recently scored a nice promotion, “More $ = time for children.”  Ok one part of that is 100% correct it takes money to raise a kid. Money that you “think you have,” but don’t.  From Fidelity:

Raising a child isn’t cheap. The price tag (in today’s dollars) for a baby born in 2015: about $233,610 from birth through age 17 for a middle-income family, and about $372,210 for a family in the highest income bracket, says the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA). And guess what? That doesn’t include college. For a 4-year public school, you’d need to add $83,080 (in today’s dollars) to the total bill—$187,800 for a private school, according to the College Board.

My husband and I do have a stock portfolio, with them but basically I googled it, and it is the first data that appeared with citations (I like citations, they give me more bite…get it…oh hell) The specialize in the money game and this is step one of getting it horribly wrong in this country.  We don’t want to spend the money.  From another investment site Investopedia

Parents tend to underestimate the cost, even of that first year, as a recent survey by personal finance website NerdWallet points out. The actual cost of raising a baby in its first year is around $21,000 (for a household earning $40,000) and $52,000 (for one bringing home $200,000). According to the poll, 18% of parents thought it would.

If you earn 40k a year, you are spending over half of that on raising the kid.  The cost is insane, and yet we try to claim we need don’t need universal coverage.  Look, kids, I am tired of this “Medicare for all” bullshit. It is a divisive statement as may folks on one side of the aisle are not fond of Medicare. Why make someone hate something before they have a chance to look at it.  We need universal healthcare that includes not only a central insurance system but regulations on hospitals and how they treat not only their patients and what their facilities look like but also the staff.  We lose tons of quality people due to this lack of oversight.  This would make raising those children easier, but…

We still do a shitty job on raising kids with or without health coverage. I am from Utah, the land of crappy child-raising, and I am here to tell you what mistakes I observe here.

First, inappropriate boundaries. When I was a child, the line that used was, “Children should be seen and not heard.” While it sounds harsh, it is a truth.  When you take your kid with you to parade them in Costco (to show to all the other settlers here) they should know their manners in the store and should be polite to those around them.  You can start with you being a role model for these kids and starting young with not only being polite and patient yourself but learning the stages of development and learning what stage a child is in and how to nurture a child in that age group. A lot of people my age tend to say, “well I got a solid spanking or even better an ass-whooping” when I was out of line, but that is not effective parenting either. As a child develops you as the parent must look at its focus (what it is learning or believing) and play to that, not just beat them for being out of line.  Yeah, that is exactly what you are doing when you “whip” your kid.  Teaching them it is ok to abuse someone if you are angry.  I said it, you don’t like it? Fight me.  Look at Erickson, Piaget (no not a French car) and understand what the child’s needs at each stage truly are.

Which brings me to point B. If you are not able to pay attention to your children, maybe when you have teh sex you should use birth control when you have sex.  Yeah that thing that no church wants you to use since they need you to fire out a hundred kids, so you have to bring them all in to fill the pews and their coffers (also to be targets of predators).  Your “blessing” from God is a curse on your life.  Around these here parts, the settlers are taught to have a “full quiver” of kids starting when they are still kids (18-21).  I know how I was then, I sure liked sex and drinking and raising hell, not wanting to raise kids.  I honestly don’t think I could have at that age, so why are we asking children to raise children.  Here it is a fear that those “kids” will feel a freedom and decide never to have those children, that don’t fill those pews, so no tithing to pay 90-year-old men to make statements to the effect of how to live their lives.  I am not anti- spirituality, I am anti-religious control (big difference and we need to recognize that).  So kids are still developing at 19 and need to be kids (even then).  They may want to fuck like rabbits, but they don’t want that responsibility.  We refuse to have meaningful discussions with our children about the responsibility; we just thrust Karen’s newborn in their hands in the hopes they will develop some mothering instinct. Let them grow up.  Their interest will increase, and they will want to share their life with a child when they are more able to do this. They can set boundaries, and they can focus on the child.

Lastly (I know there is a ton more, but I will piss you off in another post) don’t rely on the state to raise your kids.  Meaning, that because you have kids (or you can’t control your urges) don’t tell society that we have to start doing it a certain way for the children.  IF you take the time as a child develops to help them learn to make choices early on, you will find that as they grow older they will realize more and more readily the consequences.  I had a child development instructor put it this way.  When you have a kid, and it is time for them to dress for pre-school, you let them pick out their clothes.  If they wear “orange shirts with purple pants “ (Thanks, Judy) they will soon learn that this is not something that most people around them get.  Do they sacrifice individuality or creativeness for the herd mentality? Maybe, but they also learn the consequences of the choice.  Me, I learned that maybe I didn’t care and was myself, but I also knew that I needed to keep a certain level of “normal” to function.  In the long run this helps with the big decisions, sex, drugs, not listening to rap music…

Notice I didn’t say premarital sex?  Yeah, that imposes that idea of having kids as soon as possible.  If you have boundaries, they are going to mitigate their behavior when they realize the consequences of their actions.

Next up, why Nursie poo is still fun at parties after all these years.