I have been in a bit of a rut recently, and a good deal of it is over the additional duty I ended up rage quitting over. I liked that duty. It is also apparent that the violence prevention program did not want me as much as I thought. Now, It seems the program and staff are the most effective at validating my poor self-esteem issues. The story gets a bit long, and there is no malicious revenge that occurs at the end, just a sad trombone.

I took a course on violence prevention and management when I first started at my current employer. As I sat through the program, I could see the value of something like this program in a hospital setting (or any setting). At the end of it, they asked if anyone would like to teach the course that they would be training trainers in the next few months. I jumped at the opportunity. I even convinced a co-worker, who I still adore, to take the course.

I taught religiously over the next year or so, and then leadership mentioned the need for a master trainer. I jumped on this. My co-worker had long left teaching the program because she had issues with several things. I should have seen this as a warning sign; I didn’t.

After a ton of paperwork and some booking of a flight, they whisked me to beautiful Albany, New York. I know the area well, I have a ton of family in that area. When I arrived, it was like I did not exist in their “system.” Oh shit. Did I just go that many damn miles to be told I was not supposed to be there? In the end, it was sorted out (a day later), and they apologized to me, kind of.

I came back and began to teach as a Master Trainer in Training and soon was released as a Master Trainer. I did a lot of work. Then as all things do at my job, a management change. One that has no idea how to run the program, or manage additional duty staff. I was out of the loop for months; then, I was in school, so they were easing up on me, then they were looking for me to leave the program since they invested money in me as an APRN—all of this with little knowledge on my part. The funny part is one of the current Master Trainer’s went through the same process I did and is still a master trainer and an APRN. Why do I care? I don’t think I do as much now, but it eats at me to put out so much effort for a nebulous, subjective standard. I love this as much as I love my annual eval (essential for promotion).

My work has the most bizarre annual evaluations. They start nearly three months before they are due so that supervisors can make their due dates. The worst part is that the incumbent employee is the one that must write their accomplishments for the last year. The supervisor “helps,” but this is one big writing assignment for the year.

Your promotion or an increase in step (pay raise) depends on accuracy and promptness of submission (thus why we do them three damn months early…). Oh cool, roll along little dogie and submit some stuff on paper, boss recommends and voila’. Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

After it is submitted, it goes to the Professional Standards Board, a fiefdom that was built by the current administrator and maintained by a nurse manager. A Nurse manager who works at placing people on the board that acts like you need to be superman/woman to get a grade promotion; step increases are simple. My assessment is not sour grapes. My attitude comes from the nebulous and subjective standards that decide your pay and promotions.

A couple of years ago, my psychiatrist’s case manager was part of the group that looked at my promotion material. So really, my employer had direct access to a person that knows my complete medical and psychiatric history? How was this fair? Needless to say, when I complained, I was told that the board did what they want, and this was not against any regulations. The regulation is solely up to the president of the board who has no intention of giving up this little fiefdom.

The violence prevention work does tie into the promotion process. It gives you an additional duty that impacts both the local hospital as well as others across the nation. It is right there. So box checked, which is somewhat lucky as it is challenging to get on any committee at the facility. Many folks serve for years without any change on the committee, so this was a great find.

The other option to meet this requirement is to do an improvement project. Your improvement project uses your legwork and effort on your off duty hours. Well, sure, if you are loyal to the hospital and want to a promotion, this means a little more continued sacrifice? No, promotions are pay raises. Me being a Nurse 2 v. a Nurse 4 means nothing to anyone. If I am a Nurse 2 and a manager, I would still have management authority over any Nurse 3’s on the unit. It’s not like rank, its just a pay scale.

I am not adverse to work, just the make-work.

Why the tight gate? No idea, but the truth is that very few people see promotions, and while you get a step increase within a grade, it is less significant in the lower grades.

So, in the end, I, once again, put up with a bad thing for an extended time, hoping for a reward that never came.

Be the kind of person your dog and your mom hope you are.