Way the fuck back when Igor was still here, and we had just started, he told me one day that my Grammar sucked (not in a fun way), and I had to work on my creative style (because all untrained professionals “think” they can write). He pointed out all the rules I was breaking, and honestly, I felt a little remorseful about how poorly I am at Grammar.

I mean hell, I got through grad school, I can’t write that bad, can I? Well, after Igor went back to his street corner and left me with my eye and AI to correct it, I will admit I struggle sometimes. Either way, it was a learning experience. Hunchbacks don’t just hang out in front of the English department, so I am stuck with the real struggle.

When I was in Junior High 7th, and 8th grade English was exclusively Grammar. In our small-town junior high, this boiled down to one teacher, and she was a raging b*tch. In fairness, I am sure filling your days teaching unwilling pre-teens makes for a fabulous way to usher in your first heart attack. Hell, the thought of it drives me to drink (don’t mind if I do). Still, it was a dry class, and right after PE for me.
Some of you know I was bullied, some may not. PE was horrible because of dudes in a locker room and some guy named “coach” watching over you. “Coach’s” best advice for anything? “Man up” or the ever-popular “take a lap.” Either way, it was an exhausting hour of dealing with a bunch of d-bags trying to prove their manhood by pushing around the new guy. The new guy who’s only sin was not to have grown up in that bass-ackwards small town (although Google says they have a Wendy’s now, that must be some progress). Some of the bullying bordered on extreme and with sexual undertones, spitting, and far worse. Mostly it wasn’t enjoyable before anyone even walked into the room.

No one was of help, teachers, the principal, guidance counselors, even the nurse. This woman could take on any ward nurse in a bitchy and petty contest and not even break a sweat. Honestly, that school had a shit ton of problems in it, but hey it was the 70’s we were happy to maintain a status quo. At the start of 8th grade, the guidance counselor told me life wouldn’t always be this way; you leave bullies behind once you are out of school well, Mr. Polson, you sir was wrong as wrong can be.

Bullying at any age is a huge mental health issue and, of course, a physical health issue since prolonged stress can have physical effects on a person. Sometimes these effects are psychosomatic and may seem as real as actual physical effects. WebMD points out:

Ongoing, chronic stress can cause or exacerbate many serious health problems, including Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders. Cardiovascular disease, including heart disease, high blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks, and stroke.

Part of dealing with persistent bullying is the buildup of dealing with them. Thus why all the cardiovascular issues. It convinces me that my hypertension issues have their roots in childhood stress and adult PTSD.

Above I spoke about the buildup. As the school day approached, I would often find myself becoming physically ill. To the point, I would often vomit, appear lethargic, have some minor to severe malaise, or a combination of all the above. Yes, I was not the stalwart pillar of strength that I appear to be today…go figure. I had a ton of absences both years, and honestly, to this day, I do not know how I managed to pass either grade.

Maybe this amount of stress is why I suck at Grammar. Perhaps a super proper structure has not been as important when you do technical writing.

As I said before, adulthood did not make bullying stop. Only now bullies come from all walks of life, from cops to CEOs and all steps along the way. Anytime someone is or is attempting to exert control, whether they have the authority or not (it’s worse when they have power), there is a more significant potential to bully someone. There is a vast difference between asking someone to bring you the interim report versus going to get you lunch. A better example is overloading one person on a team with most of the work, while everyone else has slack. Also, let’s not forget favoritism can undermine a person and is a useful tool of the bully.

What do you do? Well, the obvious would be to leave the situation. Honestly, no matter how good a job is, it may not be worth your physical or mental health. In one extreme I have seen, a very competent professional took an almost $30,000 per year pay cut to leave a job with an abusive boss. He was able to obtain an interdepartmental transfer at his new position that brought his salary back to higher than his previous one, but that is the exception, not the rule. The best part of his job is the bullying is gone. His stress comes from dealing with the systems he manages, not his management system.

Some folks can’t leave an abusive job without a significant financial or professional impact.

In this case, there are many things to do to protect yourself. Make sure to have as many records, such as dates and times of incidents what that person said, who said it. Abusive emails should be kept in a folder away from the company computer. Having this will be valuable if HR is involved. Secondly, self-care is the key. When you leave work for the day, leave work. Use your hobbies and free time to make a regular and happy distraction. Thirdly set a home routine. Cook, clean, etc. with your spouse (or by yourself) on a schedule. These tasks provide structure and have you occupied with your tasks, not someone else’s. Lastly, take vacation time and leave your house if you can (it’s tight with the virus, camping is the option out around here).

I often hear the idea of setting boundaries tossed around. You can try, but a bully will use it as an excuse to beat you up more. They live for exploiting a weakness to hold power over you. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t; it means you need to be careful.

Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) can help with sanity, they can’t solve your problems, but they can be a way to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Let me be plain here, physical attacks, assault (physical or sexual), or a combination thereof, letting HR know and filing a police report are a necessity. At this point, no fucking job is worth this kind of safety issue, and you need to leave the situation.

I hope that no matter where you are, you are finding some level of peace. Please take time in this pandemic to do good self-care. Avoid and ignore the negative comments and bullying of those who would try to prevent this; it’s your health and safety, not theirs.

In the end, be the kind of person your dog and your mom think you are.