I think it’s probably time I stop caring so much about what other people say. It seems like they’re always trying to tell me how to live my life, and it’s not working out so well for them. What am I missing?
I have a lot on my plate at this point in life, but that doesn’t mean letting the little things get to me. The more important thing is figuring out what matters most in life and ensuring that you’re living your best life while taking care of yourself.

The one thing that has been telling me all of these years was wrong was myself-so; maybe it’s time I listen instead of worrying about everything else around me. The concept of worrying about things goes with a Tic Tok content dude (ya know I am not that fricking hip)

Daily reminder

Fuck that last talk you think you need to have with them. You have already had too many, and nothing has changed. It’s just an opportunity for them to feed you more bullshit. And you think you need to hear it. Stop willingly wasting your time.
Let it go.

But why the fuck can’t I? Sorry, I will tone down the language tomorrow. I’ve been thinking about all of this. I think it’s because my confidence has never matched the work that needs to be done for as long as I can remember. Every time something important comes up in life or business- even if it’s just small talk with somebody at a networking event – there is always some part of myself telling me, “you don’t belong here.”

I’m not sure why but when people see this blog on their feed next week, they will suddenly feel like there are better things to read. With my hiatus, I am sure that folks have moved on…blah blah blah. Part of the reason I started with Igor at my side. It was a confidence thing, and when he left, I felt that many folks were much more in tune with him than with me. Yes, it was an ugly split. He wrote a couple of pieces that he asked me to take down. No, I am not sorry that I cut ties. While close for a good number of years, our relationship was meaningful, but the signals I got started to show different. Grad school warped us both in divergent directions (kinda impressive I use big words like that). I am sure that he never reads this as he was never impressed with my writing. I am sorry that things went pear-shaped; I can’t undo the past at this point. After all, I am not some cutesy thing that he wants to sleep with these days, lol. Plus, he is a supposedly respectable Jr High teacher.

So nursiepoo, what the hell is the point tonight? Well, a few things. I recently was told that there were issues with staff who read somewhere that I hate nurses. Well, let me be on the record, nurses are fucking horrible to each other, and a common phrase for nurses is, “nurses eat their young.” I want to revise that statement to say, nurses eat each other and are pretty awful to any perceived threat. You, I said it for those who just don’t get it. The worst nurses? Climbers, those nurses that have to be first.

Those who have been to college or any class have had climbers in it. These are the kiss asses that sit in the front row. Do their reading and studying to the exclusion of everything, including bowel function and sleep. They know all the answers, and they spend a great deal of time arguing with the teacher, professor, lecturer over 1-2 points on an exam to have a better GPA. We used to have these types in pre-nursing and nursing school. You learned quickly who they are and even quicker that you would spend a quarter of the class period on mindless crap that the instructor reminded them at least five times that it was NOT on the exam. It sucks for those of us that learn and fight to retain knowledge.

Anyway, the climbers. They exist in nursing once you have a job. They are the ones that are always looking to supervise or manage staff.
They are usually far from leaders, and in my 20 some years of nursing, I have had one manager that was a leader; all the rest have been “climbers.” That kind will climb over you any chance they get and throw you under the bus if it improves their overall appearance.
Trust me, it happened in grad school and caused me to move departments, and now the same person is trying to do it again. Same old shit, wash rinse, repeat, write nursiepoo up, for stupid petty, piled on minor things.

Look, I know good order is essential. I know that leading and not managing is far more critical. I also know that morale goes in the toilet when petty shit plays out on the unit.

Ok, so I let petty shit get to me. We all do, and one of the most challenging things is letting go of that shit. My way, which doesn’t work in nursing because our profession is far too passive-aggressive, is the direct approach when I don’t get an immediate response on why I worry.
I think we all worry until something different attracts our attention.

My distraction is the concept that in a few weeks, I may have my practice that I can retreat to and build to make my own. I still plan on writing myself up and sending myself to HR, just for old times sake, nah.

When I was an Army dude, I had a great boss that said, look, put the pencil and pens down and take the time to lead, teach, and correct behavior. When you get tired, try it at least one more time. He was just as tough on the person doing the write-up as he could be on those who were written up.

So letting it go? I think we can all let it go, but I need an outcome without the wait like most everyone.
Once I know what the result is, I can move forward. So, when the investigators finish the investigation into the petty and figure out their recommendations for action, I can move on as well. I would sure like to, but some forces are bound and determined to keep it in my face until I know.

Sorry, I wish this had a better outcome. I will say that if I were a doctor, no matter how petty or nasty I was to anyone in the building, no one would bat an eye.

Be the kind of person your dog and your mom hope you are.