So for the Fallout crowd, Bethesda currently has “blessed” us with Fashnact an event in real life, but not at this time of year. The actual event begins and ends in one day usually Fat Tuesday whenever that might be. Fallout’s version involves a two-week event every hour on the hour, twice a year. Obviously, it is to allow more people to participate and to give the benefit to the game twice a year. It has some pretty cool rewards in the form of masks that the player receives after “marching with the parade.” Of course no video game, especially a post-apocalyptic video game would have just an ordinary parade in an ordinary town. In this case the parade wanders through town and the players encounter irradiated toads, super mutants, and of course the usual boss fight. All in all it’s a pretty good concept albeit formularic. It does present a huge amount of stress on servers, which in turn puts a lot of stress on players because of server errors and disconnects. But, these are things that happen in the Wasteland.

 

The masks are interesting and are randomly awarded (based on a random number generator). Some rare and some common so it is like the carrot that keeps moving you forward to continue to play this. For some of us we are on every hour to participate and every hour we hope that we get some kind of good reward.

 

Tonight’s run or rather very early this morning’s run was a bit of the parade scene followed by three of us doing a simultaneous nukes (yes you can nuke an area on the map. We did a ven diagram) and then back for the next parade. The photo of the three unicorns would be the three of us having a bit of fun.

 

 

 

 

 

I know I know what’s the point here? Well there are a lot of things that I have been thinking about of late and writing about. Some of them pretty straightforward and some thoughts that I haven’t written about that border on unusual. Some make me sound more paranoid than the usually am 😉

 

I have, Much to my Psychiatrist’s Chagrin,  spent a good deal of time tracking my past and events that happened in my past and wonder if there’s a more sinister meaning to what happened or if something that happened differently and I should take it at face value and nothing else. I think that all the conspiracy theories must be getting to me at this point because I kind of feel like everything lately has been a wider conspiracy. It doesn’t mean I believe everything I’m thinking or that anything sinister is/was happening. What it means is probably I am letting myself spend more time in my thoughts and looking at things retrospectively as opposed to actually taking things at face value as I should in Moving On and spend time plotting my future then trying to retrace things that might have only happened.

 

The one thing that sort of bothers me though that I really cannot honestly comprehend on several levels is the violence that occurred prior to the suicide, why was he was the only person or being that died that day? He had been so unbelievably violent that he was scary to be around and yet he only killed himself. Just 2 days before the suicide he had become so angry and violent that he kicked the wall where the bathroom door is and actually loosened the wall frame to where the door wouldn’t close properly as well as the wall itself would not move very freely. So there was  a lot more violence that he was capable of, and expressing at that time than simply anything else. Again, I know stop playing the what ifs.  I try really hard to do that but it comes back to the forefront in those times when I honestly have too much time to think, which is why I try to stay as busy as I can these days. But one thought that always evades me is why he didn’t try to shoot me, or why that night he didn’t shoot one or both of the dogs that were home with him? I think a lot about the dogs being hurt just simply because they were/are so much more and had become, by that time, so much more and an important part of my life. It leaves me to ponder and, I know I shouldn’t, and I know anybody that reads this is going to call me and say, “Hey you need to stop overthinking what happened blah blah blah and I know all this I really do. I also feel like I need to process that feeling and it’s a feeling I haven’t processed very much, yet I think that it’s been enough just for me to cope through things. As one friend put it, you’ve had a lot of things happen to you in the past 2 years. Definitely- can’t argue with that kind of not worth even trying because the evidence is right in front of everybody.

 

So yes my mind can easily go from 0 to warp 9 in seconds. I’m happy, I’m here, I’m happy the dogs are here (real happy), and that things didn’t turn out worse than they did.

 

The blogging process has done a fair amount of good and it has helped me put things in perspective that I hadn’t, until I actually saw them on paper or rather on the computer screen.

 

It’s crazy to think as I sit here today that it is only just shy of a year since that fateful day in the MRI when it was discovered that I had just had a stroke (actually my fifth stroke, the others were older). Honestly, it seems like forever ago. Time feels like it has crept by. I continue to hope that this will calm my thought process down. I know my dogs and my mom are/were great sources of calm. Keep those kind of people in your life.