I’m not sure why this question keeps popping up, but it does:

“Why won’t you start dating again?”

Not so much, “Are you looking for a new partner?” but rather, “Why won’t you?”

There are a lot of reasons—some that make sense to others, some that only make sense to me.

The Past That Shaped Me

When I met Jake almost 30 years ago, I wasn’t looking for a partner. I wasn’t sworn to be single, I was just taking life as it came.

I had just walked away from a disastrous relationship with someone who, last I checked, was serving time in the Montana State Penitentiary for arson. He had racked up his sixth DUI, and the only reason my car wasn’t impounded that night was because the officer who pulled him over knew me from rescue work. Add to that the fact that he was physically abusive, and I knew I needed out.

I was reeling, exhausted, and in no headspace to be dating.

The night I met Jake, I wasn’t looking for anything serious—just a casual hookup. A one-night tumble and goodbye. But something clicked between us, and I decided to take a chance.

What Worked, What Didn’t
In the beginning, it was good. More than good. He helped me get my finances in order—not by giving me money, but by teaching me responsibility, which I had sorely lacked. There were many good years, and plenty of times where the relationship was mutual, stable, and even fun.

But as time went on, the not-okay times started to outnumber the good ones. We stuck it out longer than maybe we should have. I’m just as guilty of trying to hold things together past their expiration date as he was.

By the time things ended, I was already “out the door.” I didn’t have someone waiting in the wings, and I didn’t want anyone else. I was just done.

Why Single Suits Me Now

I have no interest in the hookup scene. That surprises some people—those who knew me as always being “on the prowl.” But that’s not who I am anymore.

Yes, life can feel quiet sometimes, and sometimes that does bother me. But then I remember:
– I can do what I want, when I want.
– I don’t have to answer to anyone.
– I get to choose who comes into my space.

And that’s a kind of freedom I never really had before.

Rumors, gossip, old stories—those still swirl around when I poke my head out in the world. So I’m more content staying home, surrounding myself with the friends who matter, the people who *get it.*

And truthfully? My dogs and my mom are perfectly happy with me staying single. That’s good enough for me.