What the Hell Is Wrong With People?

Let’s get right to the point: why is the first thing some people imagine when they hear “gay” a mental slideshow of sex positions? Seriously—what neuron misfires and immediately turns someone’s everyday existence into a porn speculation? Who’s the pitcher? Who’s the catcher? Who cares?

Because honestly, this is how some (if not many) of the folks with “concerns” about gay people seem to think. Their entire worldview reduces us to bedroom logistics while they conveniently ignore their own messes.

Welcome to Utah: Home of Polite Resistance

I live in Utah, and it’s not a secret what dominant ideology runs the place. Even the smallest steps toward equality hit a brick wall of “concerned citizens” clutching pearls they didn’t even know they owned.

People with no concept of relationships outside their own feel wildly compelled to define, restrict, or legislate mine. The irony is almost impressive.

A Genuine Question in a Break Room

During my stint working for the “other side” (health insurance), one of the medical directors—who also happened to be a Mormon bishop—pulled me aside with a heartfelt, if slightly odd, question.

He asked, “What does a gay couple do at the end of a workday? Like… what’s your home life like?”

I looked at him deadpan and said:

“Pretty much the same thing you and your wife do. We talk about money, bills, weekend plans… except our kids have four legs and fur.”

He laughed—because his did too.

And then he realized something profound: gay relationships are just… relationships. It was refreshing to talk to someone genuinely trying to understand instead of condemn.

Why Is Sex the First Thought?

When someone tells me they’re straight, I don’t immediately imagine what they do in their bedroom. I don’t wonder about their “roles” or preferences. I don’t feel compelled to convert them for sport.

Newsflash:

I treat you better than you treat women you ogle in public. Maybe worry less about my gaze and more about your inability to look at women like actual humans.

“Special Rights”—The Dumbest Argument Ever Created

During the 2012–2013 marriage equality fight, the phrase “special rights” was thrown around nonstop.

What exactly is special about having the same rights as everyone else?

Is marriage between two men or two women somehow more magical? I assure you:

We argued about the same stuff everyone does—money, weekends, septic tanks. Nothing special.

Twenty-Seven Years Together—Not a “Gay Sex Palace”

I lived with the same man for 27 years, married for 10 once it became legal. Our home wasn’t a steamy, neon-lit den of anonymous sex. Honestly? In the later years we rarely had sex at all.

Truth is, we were together out of familiarity more than passion. And you already know how painfully that story ended.

People Obsessed With Sexuality Should Look in the Mirror

People who fixate on others’ sexuality usually reveal far more about themselves than us. They spend so much time worrying about who someone else loves that they neglect their own character.

My level of care for others has never depended on my sexuality.

I Served a Country That Didn’t Respect Me

I spent 15 years in the Army giving everything I had to a country that openly dismissed my existence at the time. And I did it because I believed in service, in improvement, in showing up.

If you ask anyone who served with me, they’d tell you I was reliable, loyal, capable—and probably more concerned about certain straight guys’ combat readiness than they ever were about mine.

So What Do You Learn First?

If you have issues with gay people, maybe you’re listening to bullshit instead of actually knowing a person. I don’t walk into a room and announce, “Hi, I’m gay.” You learn my personality, not my sex life.

My mom and my dog don’t care who I love.

They care who I am.