Oh, how the times change, and the APA is usually a tumbleweed bouncing along the progressive path. I’m sure the NBC article has made its rounds and been picked apart by both the conservative and liberal talking heads. Mostly to the tune of gay, queer, faggot, derka der, feminist, grunt, and spittle dribbled down their chin as they scratch themselves and then sniff their fingers. The comments on the Facebook post were epic in the deplorable nature of humans and really hit the nail on the metaphorical head in innate toxic masculinity culture that is furthered by both men and women.

One woman wrote something to the effect of, “Where have all the real men gone?” Other people obviously brought up the idea that this is linked to Feminazis, the fags, and that they won’t do any of that sissy butt stuff. Cause, yeah, being in touch with emotions, going to the doctor, and know when to seek help is totally gay. Like so gay, that Richard Simmons is going to host the next Tony Awards in Lady Gaga drag. But on a serious note, this has been a problem for years, like hundreds of years for men.

As the article states, we live in a society that men aren’t allowed to show emotions, are encouraged to be sexist, and engage in risk-taking behavior, while not seeking medical or psychological attention because they need to suck it up and act like a man. Now imagine what it’s like to grow up in a culture like that as someone who is part of the LGBT community, or a woman who has to deal with the unwanted attention that mentality encourages among boys and young men. How about people like Brock Turner? How about the boys who raped and beat a mentally challenged boy in a locker room as a joke? How about all of the men who have committed the mass shootings for the last ten or so years? All of those are on the extreme end of what toxic masculinity encourages our young men to become. They become the creepy old men who fondle the nurses in the nursing home. They’re the truckers who hit on people’s underage daughters at truck stop restaurants and slap them on the ass. When confronted, they’re the men who say, “if there’s grass on the field they’re old enough to play ball.”

The other, more detrimental side is the lack of mental and medical health care. My father and both grandfathers are and were testaments to that ideology of, suck it up and carry on men. My maternal grandfather visited the doctor more frequently than my paternal grandfather and my father, at least early on, but was still resistant to following all aspects of what they said to because, they’re doctors, and he’s was a man. However, my paternal grandfather had to when he had his third of fourth heart attack and had multiple stents put in and something like a triple or quadruple bypass. Ultimately my maternal grandfather outlived my paternal grandfather, though not by much. My paternal grandfather died from heart failure, and my maternal grandfather died from cancer and chose not to seek treatment this last time because he was done with everything since he’d had it a few times already and this last time it had spread to other organ and regions of the body.

My father, on the other hand, is the ultimate example of toxic masculinity. He was homophobic, still is to a point, but was more accepting than my mother after a while. He’s still as sexist as Trump, but less pussy grabbing and more verbal “flirting”. It’s the culture that he grew up in where the men were men, and the women were fondled, slapped on the ass, and around the house, and people didn’t say much about it because it was normal. Both of my grandfathers were physically abusive to their wives, children, and grandchildren. They were also verbally abusive, and it stemmed from that mentality of, men are to be respected, and if disrespected, they have to do anything to fix the problem. Anyway, back to the medical side of my father and his lack of seeking care. He’s led a hard life, both work, and fun, and his body is literally broken in multiple ways. He was a bull rider and was gored, stomped on, and thrown many times. He worked construction and sheared sheep all of his life, and his body took a beating from that as well. All the while, he only went to doctor in an ambulance from accidents, or because he pushed his body to the limit and it gave out on him. He rarely goes if he isn’t forced to and even then, doesn’t usually follow the advice of medical professionals. Even now he’s shearing, and they told him if he did it again, he’d rip the last surgery he had to fix a hernia, and he’d most likely end up with a colostomy bag. But hey, it’s manly, right?

But why is the APA finally addressing all of this? Well, it’s because violence is still rising against minorities, spouses, and in general. Men are the ones who commit the majority of violent acts. Men also are more likely to commit and complete suicide than women, and honestly, people are tired of sexual harassment. Ain’t no one got time for Henry to fondle their shit when they tryin’ to get their coin on. Sorry Henry, but the good old days when men could rape their secretaries are over, and those under-the-table blow jobs aren’t something that can be snuck into the other duties as assigned section of their employment contract.

Plus, we actually want to help men. I know many people are making fun of the metro guys who take care of themselves, but for the love of god and all things that don’t reek of BO and farts, leave them alone. I grew up in an area where the manly men lived, and I hated how they didn’t take care of themselves. Even in my endeavor into teaching, boys be nasty. There is nothing wrong with self-care. BO sucks, not going to the doctors doesn’t end up saving money, and avoiding feelings and telling people to suck it up doesn’t save their life. Oh, and people like not being raped or sexually harassed. It doesn’t make anyone less of a man if they don’t join in the office gang bang with the secretary or the raunchy jokes, or towel whipping the freshman in the dick. And it isn’t simply something that can be chalked up to, “boys will be boys.” We expect more for our girls and women than we do from our boys and men. Isn’t it time that we make things equal and expect more from our boys and men and take care of them. And let them be human?