Always, even before I am faced with something on a personal level. I have been out of the net for a few days, well weeks to overcome a broken foot. It was a doozy. I fell changing pitches on the roof and created what is known as a Jones fracture. Well has a crazy treatment. (no it didn’t involve virgin sacrifice, so I was as excited about it).
A Jones fracture is a displaced fracture of the 5th metatarsal. In a simpler language. I broke the bone that supports my little toe. The fracture has been repaired surgically, and yours truly will be non-weight bearing for four weeks. So crutches and a knee scooter, which looks like a hoot (trust me, no) The picture of my repair is in the header. Big deal, the honesty is outside of my tight group of friends no one cares about my injuries, or procedure, or my past in “other departments.”
I might take it a moment to talk about malignant narcissism our profession. “It’s all about me,” no one cares about you. I’m not sure what I did to this person other than commenting on his habit of “holding court,” on the nurse’s station when he is on shift. The sad part about narcissism is as they learn to very quickly build themselves up and hit you in the most vulnerable places psychologically. Narcissism tends to run in the same thought patterns as antisocial behavior. Let me talk for a minute about antisocial though; it’s not a person that wants to be away from social activities that would tend to be a sociopath or someone who is considered to be asocial. Someone with antisocial personality disorder tends to be very social, and when I say very social, I mean very social. (Now I mean crazy in-your-face want to be social). This person, however, uses social interaction for means other than what’s considered to be socially acceptable. In other words, they use a friendship to manipulate you into a situation where they gain an advantage.
In many cases, this is pretty much a game to folks who have an antisocial personality disorder. Everyone here has met an antisocial person in their life I would even dare say that some of our current elected officials are both narcissistic as well as antisocial. However, the Goldwater rule is in place to prevent armchair diagnosis, even by professionals, on our elected officials without direct examination.
So why the fuck do I always end up in the middle of shit? I may not be as stellar a practitioner (I know it’s shocking), but I think I’m a steady performer, I think I’m a hard worker, and I think that I have a purpose when I’m given a plan. This last week I worked a shift that I am not familiar with, and the very nature of it caused me to be unsure of any discussion. I’m not used to working with other practitioners and with all the patient’s on the unit, awake. I am much more a one at a time practitioner that sees the patient in their most acute state. So I’m at a disadvantage, I’m not familiar with the drill so to speak. Ugh (as the kids say) I’m left out flapping (as the kids said when I was one in the 15th century).
I’m greeted on my first day of dayshift, with “I hear you don’t like any of us.” I said that’s pretty shocking to me since I have had a good working relationship in the past with the other two nurse practitioners. I also clarified that I didn’t like working the day shift because it is during the daytime. It was bait, by someone who wanted me to lose my shit and on command, I lost it. “Batiing,” is not difficult with people that are narcissistic because it comes down building up of their ego sometimes by negative recognition also. What a lot of people don’t understand about our current elected officials is that some of them use this negative recognition as well as positive recognition to stimulate their ego. And in the end, it does stimulate political base, but that’s for another discussion.
So how do I avoid this? You don’t. Try the best you can, but in the end, you’re going to react how you’re going to react. All these great stories about “learning how to deal with bullies” only qualify for an ABC after-school special, not real life. You react to how you do.
Another example of the concept of abuse and moral injury. We need to watch out for each other and our coworkers and build them up as well as ourselves without tearing anybody down. It’s broken down to something that is that simple, and yet it seems to be one of the most difficult things for some people.
I will endeavor to persevere and hope to accomplish things that make my own goals. I am relieved from working dayshift for a while, not because of any incident just it was a week of temporary duty. I soon will be back to my quiet little room at night quietly and correctly completing assessments and waiting for the next call. Yeah, I may not be Mr. high productivity, but I do my job, and no it should stand in the way of frontline healthcare workers doing their job. Get some help for your narcissism buddy I hope life treats you well.
The bat said fuck it and are spending their summer up north.