First off, I did have a lovely colonoscopy, and yes, the discovered I am still an asshole, but at least for one small moment in time, I was not full of shit.

Believe me; if you do the prep right, there will be no shit in your body. Go-lytely, which is the brand name for the Polyethylene Glycol 3350 that you drink tastes like salty swamp water poured over a mule’s ass. If you have had this lovely cocktail and like it, I would suggest psychiatric help. It is necessary for a clean colon.  If you want to make a million or two, can I suggest that you make this stuff better? Hell larks vomit would taste better (no, I do not know how that tastes I have never had British chocolates).

Conscious sedation was used and scoped performed, excellently I may add, in what I am happy to say is my hospital. Yep, Ted, this hospital. Before I go on here, I have a colleague, who earlier this summer when I had the plate put in my foot, was appalled that I would have a procedure in “this hospital.” My response was, “why not, I am eligible for care here?” His response was truly appalling when he said, and of course, I quote, “there are better hospitals in the valley like IMC.” Okay, well, his husband works for them, in psychiatry, so I am not sure what makes him or Ted any expert on their other departments other than being a rah-rah cheerleader, so they keep paying his husband.  My commentary here is that if you are so skeptical of the care in the facility in which you work, why do you work there? Ted is a person who works in a VA hospital that has open contempt on many occasions for the patients in that facility; why? Look, I get it if you have hang-ups about veterans or care for them, but honestly, why work somewhere where you are a snotty, fake pretentious bitch about it?

Ok, sorry, I am a cheerleader for the care received in my hospital.  I don’t think I could work there if I had heartless fucking providers that do not care about the patients they provide care. I get it when you deal with a tough population like psych; you run into people that make you question the caliber of the patients. The VA is an entitlement, not a charity. Even those addicted or those patients with psychosis are entitled to a level of care. The military is a mind fuck.  I used to be mild-mannered and look at my crazy ass now. The sad part is this person has worked at VA facilities in other parts of the country.  What does that say? Ok, enough about Ted and his issues.

When I showed up to GI, I was greeted by one of my favorite former co-workers (she had moved from the wards to the GI lab shortly before I left).  I was treated well, but not because I work there, but that the staff genuinely cares. I think some of the techs and the residents felt like it was “old home week” but everyone from the front to the back…get it (geez, dad jokes). It is both relaxing and scary to go to your facility, just because hey who wants to have your co-workers see you naked. The procedure was fine.  I mean, having a camera shoved in your throat and butt is not just anyone’s idea of a good time, but it is necessary for health maintenance. My findings were benign other than some suspicion of H-Pylori (which can cause ulcers, although none of those thankfully).

I know those of you that don’t know me from Adam, don’t care.  I don’t care if you know.  Believe it or not, healthcare providers need care too, and some of them are as bad about taking medications as you can be (shocked I know, especially people like Ted who is naturally healthy…old age is coming queen).

H-pylori was discovered to cause ulcers in patients and not stress as we long thought. It is a bacteria Medical News today:

For years, medical experts believed that stress or certain foods caused peptic ulcers.

After the discovery of H. pylori, however, this theory was argued extensively. A study in Digestive and Liver Disease suggests that 60 to nearly 100 percent of peptic ulcers are associated with H. pylori.

Ulcers aren’t the only problems associated with H. pylori; researchers discovered that H. pylori cause gastritis, a condition that involves inflammation of the stomach’s lining. H. pylori infection is also linked to stomach cancer; however, the American Cancer Society states that most people with H. pylori in their stomach never develop stomach cancer.

They do go one to mention that other causes of Peptic ulcer disease

It is worth noting that peptic ulcers may also be caused by long-term use of certain medicines, including pain relievers such as ibuprofen, aspirin, and naproxen. These medicines are called NSAIDs, or non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs.

The bacteria respond the best to clarithromycin; there are, of course, other antibiotics out there if the strain is one of about 15% that is resistant to macrolides. Treatable, and it will alleviate a few issues that I have had a lot of lately in terms of bloating and gas.  So time to fill a sample bag with my breath (yup breath test) to determine the presence.

Antibiotics to treat is cool, but resistant strains are not.  That comes from the overuse of antibiotics. So, Karen, stop fucking asking for them every time you or your unvaccinated children have a fucking sniffle. The same goes for everyone else. Also, when you get antibiotics, take them as directed until they are gone.

Lastly, it is a big thing now to go to Mexico and buy antibiotics, just in case.  You know for that infection you diagnose with old doc google. You only add to resistance, and honestly, it won’t be long until you are unable to treat things with those Mexican antibiotics because bacteria will be resistant. Do us a favor, leave diagnosis and prescribing to your provider.

Parking, well, it is subpar where I went, about the only bad thing about the place.  More on that later.

Please remember to be the person your dog thinks you are.