I promised that I would bring you the weird thing I saw when I worked ortho.
For the first six months of my nursing career, I was a house float. Many of the new grads were forced to float because St James was a Union shop where you had to bid for a shift. While it was a pain, it also gave you a regular schedule and some stability. Float pool goes where ever they needed help. It also meant I was pretty much the tampon (someone that is used to try to absorb a huge mess). Sometimes I changed wards in the middle of shifts if things got slow, but not very often.
On this evening I was floated to Orthopedics (where about 5 months later I would go to work day shift full time). Ortho was a good gig, and it really was an exact and temperamental bunch of surgeons. That night’s shift handed me four stable patients and one lady with Alzheimer’s. If you have never had a patient with dementia in your care, you are really missing something, especially when the sun goes down. Needless to say, my hands were full with just the one patient. My lady with dementia took some work to get to sleep. Warm blankets, warm milk, a lullaby, and of course, some pills to help sleep. Finally, after what seemed like and eternity (and I know what those are like), she falls asleep and begins snoring. The most pleasant sound I have ever had the chance to hear. I settled in for the remainder of the shift (about 3 hours) hoping to do my nails.
Two of my other 2 stable patients were part of a group of teenagers involved in an accident the night before. One of their rooms happened to be next to my sweet, snoring lady. In a smaller town a car crash with teens is a big deal, no deaths thankfully. There was a steady stream of well-wishers, family and everyone else that comes out of the woodwork. So, between getting my lady to sleep and dodging people in the hall, I was ready for visiting hours to end. Mercifully they did, and I quietly went through and checked rooms to make sure that they were clear. Yay, they were, and it was time to go do my nails at the nurses’ station. Because that is so often what day shift thinks we do (yeah even the guys).
An hour later I was making rounds, quietly mind you cuz I didn’t want to have to deal with my lady waking up, or I would have spent the remainder of the shift with her, which was not what I wanted to do (no really, I need to do my nails, priorities). The room next to my snoring lady’s was one of the boys in the accident. The halls in this hospital are old school during the night. After visiting hours, only floor lights guide your way. We leave room doors open so we can wander by and observe. His was closed…we all know how I feel about closed doors especially when I had checked his room about 30 mins before. I quietly open the door to check and find our strapping lad giving the high hard one to his girlfriend (She apparently had hidden in the shower when we were scaring visitors out). My first thought was something a good friend Billy would say awwwwwwwwww isn’t that sweet.
The problem was he had an external fixator and a bunch of stitches on his leg that he ran a pretty good risk of ripping out with his exertion. I was so shocked I stood there speechless, I really thought I had seen it all with heroin dude. I believe I was hoping they would notice me and stop so I could scold them, and she could be on her way. No such luck…so I cleared my throat, and instead of climbing off of him she turned, and they both looked at me. The ball went to my court so being the good nurse, I told her that she couldn’t do that in here and that she needed to go as her young suitor needed sleep and less stress on his sutures and external fixator.
Ok, so for those you are wondering, I am a nurse, not someone’s parent. I am not going to address the morality of two teens having sex, because, that is not my place. I did see that he was wearing a condom, and honestly, I was pleased that he had that much forethought.
For those in the back row that don’t know, an external fixator is a device that has screws that go through the skin to hold broken bones in place. Screws on those are painfully cleaned (like you spend a good hour doing it) in the hospital 4 times a day and as needed. After our little love bird was gone, I proceeded to make sure the fixator was intact and not soiled by his activity. I knew there would be hell to pay if the Orthopedist saw the screws soiled. The whole time I am doing this, he has a raging hard-on as evidenced by the tent pitched in the sheet in his covered groin. I am sorry to say it was funny as hell. I did have a heart and left him a towel.
As I go to leave, he looks at me and, he asked me not to tell on him for the girl and such. I told him that as long as he followed instructions and obeyed the rules, which includes no sex, I would not. Well, except for half my nurse friends and his orthopod, no one ever heard this story until now.
Please be the kind of person that your dog thinks you are.