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So Ricky (tour guide) took me on a tour of Mayan ruins. I thought I learned about them in school, but the one thing I didn’t know is how sex positive they were. They gave a damn about taking care of women and tracking fertility. The funny part is a story he told.
So the women come and purify themselves in the sauna for 3 days. No food just water. After that point they were deemed pure enough for marriage and for consumation (which was a family affair, I mean imagine your mom watching you have sex). I won’t say its weird, I have never tried fucking in front of my mom. I did see a ton of intelligence in math and science and I was pretty damned impressed with an ancient culture.
Not as impressed with current culture. I have watched an excessive amount of stress that modern humans deal with. The Mayans had the spanish to deal with, who brought disease, war, rape, and other shit to the culture.
Vacation has been a system shock for Nursie Poo. I have really been able to let my hair down (ha…) and enjoy things. Yes despite PTSD. I did have a little bit of a bump today. Poorer sections of Cozumel are very much like arabia, but I with a lot of teeth grinding, a disgusting sweat release, and a hyperawareness episode that was a bit much, I made it. Funny how sights and smells drive a memory. It was truly a day I wish I was on my M1A1 fully armed. Yep PTSD flips my life that fast, and without paying attention I can be caught in the moment, and whisked back to those days. I think if you ever want a good book about PTSD read Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. Billy Pilgrim spends a good deal of his life “unstuck” in time. In other words he frequently goes back to his past. Its a huge look into PTSD and how it plays out in your life.
I know some of you are tired of this, but as a provider and patient I am stuck dealing with this for both me and the people I care for. The saddest part of this is there are a good number of vets that have to go through this daily. This taints their daily lives, let alone their time off and vacations. I am lucky enough to be with someone that kinda gets it. I know that very often it frustrates him because he hopes for the “end game.” It never comes. I wish it would, but it does not come for me either.
Contrary to how it sounds, my life does not suck. I have a lot of friends who get it, who don’t guess or accuse me of being “triggered.”
So what’s all this disjointed crap? Well, truth is that we all need time off, we all need a break to do everything crazy, without really worrying about how it all comes down. Take that time, no matter who you are. Take a week, get the fuck out of town, let your hair down, and disconnect from your reality. You will not regret it.
Be the kind of person your mom and your dog hope you are. I know I miss my fur kids though.