Ya know, I kinda wish all those years ago when my voice started to change and I realized my penis was there for far more than to pee with, there had been something like this for me.

My family sucked at talking about sex to me, let alone those things that go along with it, and it took a sexual assault and a ton of dysfunctional circumstances to make me realize that I didn’t know dick about sex (get it, sex, dick,…damn kids)

I was 14 years old and headed to school in Clay Center, Kansas. It is late April, early May, and My mother, bless her heart, was driving me to school. We had been talking about my trip to Philadelphia to visit my father for the summer. As she is dropping me in the “U” drive at CCCHS, she casual mentions as I am getting out of the car, “By the way, your father is bisexual.” Huh?

Ok, look it is the late 70’s, and at that time, the concept of being gay was utterly foreign to me. I spent an entire day trying to figure out what bisexual was. I mean, I was like, does he have both parts? Does he have some woman thing that I had never seen? What the fuck was bisexual? I had no clue. We didn’t talk about anything to do with homosexuality and bisexuality then. I can also say we certainly didn’t do it in front of a high school when I would have to run to make class on time.

After racking my brains all damn day, I had nothing. We didn’t talk about sex back then and certainly didn’t talk about gays. I let it be, although for months, even after visiting my dad, I still had no fucking clue. However, let me tell you where I did have a clue.

As my voice started the change and as my friends started to date girls, I noticed that I found the boys in my class hella more attractive than any girl. I was obsessed with seeing the guys in my class and learned quick one has to be very careful about doing this (70’s remember). After some secret reading in a book my mom kept under her bed, I learned what “gay” was and finalfuckingly learned what a bisexual was. I was like, well, I am not that, but I am pretty sure I am gay (even though I would openly deny it for years (I came out at age 32)). I marveled at the pictures talking about it as well as the function of my penis. This is the 70’s, so no internet, no internet porn, we didn’t acknowledge sex well (we still don’t) I really had to look for the information.

My mom was useless as fuck with any information about what was becoming fully functional equipment. In this time, I had the shock of my life when I was masturbating and ejaculated the first time (shit is it broken?). I had no damn clue, and I was looking. Finally, in some ham-handed way, she conned a male co-worker into giving me “the talk.”

That, too, was useless. I had way too many questions for this poor guy, and he was having none of any same-sex desires I had. I remember him telling me over and over to “keep my pecker in my pants.” Oy gevault.

We still leave our kids in confusion, again, as bad or worse than this. We have kids that are worried about the basics, and we can’t even communicate those things, let alone the complexities of desire. Remember, Sandy Fritz was supposedly the hot chick in my class, and yet I really wanted to sleep with her brother. Explain that one kids. Oh well, I took a lot of bullying for “pretending” to like her (that is another story).

The internet is not a substitute for your duties as a parent. Whether you like the LGBTQ+ community, you need to talk to your kids about it because survey says…they may already be leaning that way. Not giving them reliable info whether you like “teh gay” or not may save their lives (don’t tell me you are the kind of parent that would let them die because you can’t control their sexuality).

It would be best if you had a frank discussion on how it works. The fact that you are embarrassed is undeniable. I know you had the same lack of information growing up and are forced to try and talk to your kids about intimacy. I know you would much rather they are forever your, “little angels.” Well, your little angel can end up with a lot of issues with his dick, and those can be far worse than your mourning their “innocence,” sorry.

Useful, reliable, technically correct information. I should have known what ejaculation was when I was 14, so I shouldn’t have been frightened or shocked. I should have known not to try and “hold it” as that causes a myriad of problems. I should have known that I was able to make babies. I should have known about how to care for it. You are the parent, you don’t just get to fire kids out without this part; do your job.

Lastly, consent. Talk to your kids about consent. Keep talking to them until they are sick of it. Make sure they are well aware of the concept. They need to know what the “line” looks like and when they are crossing it. Whether you like #metoo or not, the reality is that we need to make mistreatment of others, in the ignorance of consent, stop. I know what sexual assault feels like from the receiving end, and the effects are still lingering to this day.

I am going to be doing a bit with this week and in the coming weeks. I am going to try to layout mechanics as well as consent issues for everyone to see. If you have any questions, ask. I know that this subject is dicey and my descriptiveness may have seemed intense, but you better get used to it.

As always, be the kind of person your dog and your mom hope you are.