Yeah, I have been pretty focused on my podcast of late since I type like some dude Johnny who has only one arm and astigmatism. It has also been tough to develop useful content since the lovely virus comes to town. The concept of dealing with the virus has been a significant challenge on the front line because, quite frankly, the current administration has had an epically poor response to this.
We have had to deal with a misinformed public that is so entitled that they feel like they need to protest that they cannot have their hair done or go out to dinner at Applebee’s. Don’t get me started with people’s aversion to wearing a mask. However, we have been down that road many times on the podcast and in a few posts.
So, where have I been? Well, I’ve been to Hollywood; I’ve been to Camp Wood (does that still exist?), sorry channeling my distant childhood. What I have been doing is a ton of building. As of this writing, I am building a new chicken coop since my flock has grown significantly. It has been a pleasant change to deal with stress. However, the world has had enough stress.
A fucking earthquake.
The pandemic lockdown is about a week down and a fucking earthquake. For folks who live with the constant possibility of earthquakes, a 5.7 magnitude is a little shaker and something they are used to. Here in Utah, we aren’t used to this, and honestly, for ordinary folks, it was disturbing, it was damn weird for my PTSD. If you have never been in an earthquake, the worst is a level of disorientation from the moving ground that is more intense than you can imagine. It was super rough and almost a dissociative experience. With every shake, I became less and less confident that it would ever end. Add to this that we are locked down with nowhere to go (well, except for a doorway when the shaking started, we had about a hundred aftershocks). Power went out as soon as the shaking began. There is nothing worse for my PTSD than a complete loss of any control. Most people with PTSD will tell you that a loss of control over a situation is the worst thing. So, for two weeks, I had sooooo much difficulty with being oriented and feeling sane. If you ask my husband, he will most likely tell you that I was so batty that I was in the bats’ belfry.
It is tough to function when you are disoriented. I was in a state that I had to take a few days off for my safety and my patients’ safety. One of the things that all frontline health care workers should learn is that it is ok to call out if you feel sub-par. Trying to power through it can lead to severe and costly mistakes. I will be honest (like I am dishonest with you, gentle reader) the only time I ever was fired was when, as a nurse case manager (no direct patient care), I went to work not feeling up to snuff, and apparently, that was the final nail in the coffin of my job. The University of Utah Hospital is not the bastion of professionalism that it should be. My finishing my education and needing an odd schedule was too much for Bernadette and Lisa, and they started looking for a way to let me go. They ended up firing me before the 90-day probation period because, quite frankly, they were straight-up bitches. The funny part is that Bernadette was fired about two weeks later for sexting with the 16-year-old daughter of another case manager and Lisa? Karma bit her in the ass about six months later. Screw them both. They were probably the worst management I ever had in nursing and good riddance. In the process of all this, I pretty much nuked that bridge (not the best thing to do) by telling the chief of nursing for the hospital that her staff was unprofessional and backbiting.
Additionally, she was running one of the shittiest nursing departments I have ever seen, and I worked in Rock Springs. Not the smartest thing I have ever done, however, I was out of fucks, and honestly, the CNO was a useless politically motivated twat. Sad that she is still the CNO of the hospital. Yeah, I am trashing on that hospital and former staff, but it was as horrible as I have seen.
My lost lesson was not just calling out that day. I can be as bitchy about those folks, but I should have called out. It was challenging since I had to fight the system and my ego here. It was a while ago, and I have taken that lesson forward.
Then this week, amidst everything, we had gale force to hurricane force gusts here in Salt Lake for the better part of 24 hours. Same issue, power off. Thankfully I was a little better prepared this time, but it was still a funky 28 hours.
It has been a strange career to date, with many learning experiences and taking those lessons and applying them to my career. While I have hated some experiences, they have all fed into my efficacy as a healthcare professional. I hope that if you are a professional that you have learned valuable lessons, but given how nursing is, you are spending a good deal of time covering your ass, not from other professionals, but shitty people like Lisa and Bernadette. Nurses who were far more interested in shoving you down, so they can stand on top of you when you are down.
Well, off to the fun. Be the kind of person that your dog and your mom think you are.