I am sure that more than a couple of you are wondering about my bend on healthcare.  Folks, as you can tell, Covid has pretty much eaten up any health care topics.  It seems that violence and mental health issues are one constant thing. Sexual assault needs more discussion as rapes in the military remain continuous, and like their civilian counterparts, these rapes are not taken seriously.

The subject is important for many obvious reasons. Still, since there are Karens out there, I would offer the potential for disease transmission (STIs and, as we have discovered, COVID), pregnancy, and of course, PTSD and other associated mental health issues. We have enough problems taxing the mental health system without the pandemic, and now, of course, the pandemic.

For many years folks were told not to fight back, just let him finish and get out alive. Great advice if you haven’t experienced rapee; either way, those effects can last a lifetime.

Many of you who follow me know that someone raped me on active duty. While it is odd to have a man admit this “weakness,” so freely the very topic has gained traction with the recent instances of assault on Ft. Hood, which we have talked about on the Podcast.

Let me tell you about Damon (Not Dameon, although this has put him through hell)

2:44 AM Damon: Bro, had a night terror last night woke up in such a bad way I just stayed up the rest of the night watching NCIS.

2:45 AM Me: You been having those again?

2:45 AM Damon: Yeah, same ones, but now one is kinda of the attack

2:46 AM Me: Oh yeah? You close to the anniversary

2:47 AM Damon: Yeah, it will be on Wednesday

2:48 AM Me: Just had an anniversary, I get it

2:48 AM Damon: It usually isn’t this bad tho the past few years it’s never been this intense…

I have known Damon since he was a toddler. Shortly after, I left the Army and went to visit my sister that I met him when he was with his mom, a friend from college. Later we would play World of Warcraft online together, and finally, one day, I hear he is joining the Army. I thought, “where the hell does the time go?” Well, I am here to tell you that it went straight to my joints and belly, but that is a long and heavy story.

Damon was on his first deployment in Afghanistan, walking to the mess hall. Ok, where did that term come from (mess)? I mean, meals were a mess… Well, I looked it means

When first used in English, Mess meant a portion of food, so Mess Hall meant the place one went to get a portion of food, and Mess Kit is the tools one uses to eat a portion of food. The military is a tradition-bound institution in most nations. Mess is still used actively by the US Army and Navy.

Sorry, I never knew, had to look that definition up.

Anyhow, Damon’s battle buddy (someone you are not supposed to leave, especially in basic training or in a combat zone.  In basic training, you are yelled at by your drill sergeant, and in combat, much worse things can happen (for those who have been yelled at by a drill sergeant, that is tough to imagine. Picture R. Lee Ermey on steroids).

His battle buddy took off ahead of him; after all, they were on a base in Afghanistan (which spelling this word tonight is an adventure) and this person must have thought, “We are safe.” What soon happened to Damon was obscene.  He was surrounded in his walk by 5 Afghan men who had every intention of raping him, which was quite evident as one grabbed for his weapon—Damon, who was a hell of a lot quicker and fought back.

Damon pulled a knife and severely injured one who had tried to crawl under him and was able to free himself from the situation after several taut minutes of fighting for his life.

Yeah, Damon walked away from this but was not unaffected.  Shortly after this, he began having night terrors.  While by definition, night terrors are

Sleep terrors are episodes of screaming, intense fear, and flailing while still asleep. Also known as night terrors, sleep terrors often are paired with sleepwalking. Like sleepwalking, sleep terrors are considered parasomnia.

They are much more common in children.  Terrors are severe nightmares that cause the person to wake up in this state. Often they are so disquieting that the person has a tough time going back to sleep because they are honestly too frightened to go back to the other side. So they are forced to watch NCIS all night (just kidding, although two words Mark fucking Harmon). Damon was lucky, or most would think that he could walk away from that without being raped. Somebody raped two other soldiers from his division.

Later, when the unit redeployed to Ft. Bliss (no, not that kind of Bliss), one killed himself, and the other attempted on more than one occasion.

You see, that gang of men was seeking out male soldiers to sexually assault in the attempt to drive morale down.  To gain power over not only those men but to make those around them work in fear. For 2 of them, it cost them the ultimate price. That situation became too much to handle.

Oh Nursie Poo, this was an isolated incident.  No, unfortunately, it is common.  It, like most rapes, is not reported. Worse still, when Damon reported it, it was dismissed by his command. No one believed him until the other two men had killed themselves. Another sad ending to rapes happens to both males and females, who cannot fight the terrors.

Damon is still on active duty.  He still has terrors.  He not only has to deal with them as best he can, but he also has scant to little support from his command, who deal with mental health issues like they are malingering (ya know, pretty much like the rest of society). So care, while he has had some, is slow coming. He continues to have night terrors. His current command has not been in combat zones or had to deal with attempted rapes, so there is a massive lack of empathy.  Besides, the stigma of having a soldier affected by PTSD on this scale makes the command look bad.  So instead of pushing forward to get him help, he is stuck. He reached out to me since he knows what I do for help.

He had an Army mental health provider tell him he shouldn’t talk to me.  Wow, seriously? He told me that he needed someone to help him find a way to cope and that I was his only alternative at that point.

As a society, we tend to dismiss rape out of hand.  Rape reporting sucks:

Researchers from the University of Surrey estimate that approximately 1 in 7 rapes by males against females are reported. Pregnancy may result from rape. The rate varies between settings and depends particularly on the extent to which non-barrier contraceptives are being used.

Male rape is much less, and it is uncertain how many occur, but:

A CDC study found that, in the US, 1 in 71 men had been raped or suffered an attempt within their lifetime.

While one would again say, “It’s not that common.” These are the number of reported rapes. Men report at much lower of a rate and much longer after the event than those women that report. Men are also not always raped in the traditional sense.  Especially younger men are often sexually assaulted in the “time-honored” process of hazing.

Ok, so what is the point here.  Well, first off, Damon is a good guy.  He tells me, “I just don’t know how much longer I can take this abuse by these people.” These are the people that are supposed to be supporting him.

The point here is that many men and women are raped or otherwise sexually assaulted.  Many cases violently as evidenced by these stories. Many states do little to prosecute rapists, and when they are, it is more the victim on trial than the assailant. The result is more under-reporting of rapes.  I would dare to say that the investigators and the courts’ very actions make this a great way to bring violence to someone since they are under prosecuted. So, this “time-honored” tradition continues. It forces more people to cope with this disease in an overburdened system.

We don’t take rape seriously, whether it is military or civilian.  The military is a glaring example of society’s dismissal of rape. The dismissal occurs where the protection of a national asset is at stake.  These are the men and women used to defend the country, yet we dismiss sexual assault out of hand. What are we doing to those men and women that “don’t matter.” Yeah, I said “don’t matter” because most rape victims, including the military to a great extent, don’t matter. Until we take assaults seriously, we are doomed to more and more issues with mental and physical health. Prevention is the key, and that does not mean just telling people how to avoid being raped.

It is educating generations on the idea that rape is not something that one does.  It is also throwing the spotlight on it and demanding a follow through on sexual assaults. Sexual assault is a soapbox; I am not likely to get down from anytime soon.

There is more to come here. Anyhow, be the kind of person your dog and your mom hope you are.