The relevance of time—or as I like to put it, some people have no fucking idea about the passage of time.

Here’s why I say this:

When I was first under investigation and we got to the uncomfortable part, my lawyer came to me and said they were offering to reduce the suspension/revocation to three years. The next line that came out of his mouth showed me I probably should have gotten a different lawyer: “Three years will be like nothing.”

To say I looked at him like he was high would be an understatement. Does the man not have a concept of the passage of time? It would seem no one does.

After my strokes, I surrendered my license. It’s pretty obvious that I’ll never be able to go back to work as a “regular” type person, if at all. When I began that journey, I applied for retirement and, because of the disability, I also started the paperwork for Social Security disability and my employer’s long-term disability program. On top of that, I put in a request with the VA to increase my service-connected disability rating.

In all this, the VA, Social Security, and my employer’s long-term disability group all acted like the 8–10 months I would be waiting for an approval or adjudication would fly by like the end of the week. That is a lie.

Two of those entities have acknowledged approval. One is still waiting in the wings. A year out from retiring, I still haven’t seen any substantial change in income. Yes, the VA disability rating bump helps—it opens avenues for support. My employer’s disability folks approved my claim. But thanks to the slowness of the federal government, I’ve been approved for over three months and haven’t seen a single payout yet. Trust me, time does not just fly by.

If anything, it crawls. It doesn’t feel like yesterday that I was getting out of the hospital after a stroke—it feels like forever ago.

Here’s the point: many folks rush to apply for disability, and if you’re truly disabled, you absolutely should. But understand—it’s a process. And in the case of Social Security, almost everyone gets denied on the first try. Sometimes I think that’s just to see who’s committed to sticking it out. The chances are much higher if you get a Social Security attorney. People balk at paying an attorney, but it’s a lot easier if it goes through the first time than having to appeal and wait another eight months. If I’m denied, it could be nearly two years after my disabling illness before I see my first check.

So, back to the point: people have a shit idea of what time really means. If you’re waiting for disability, unable to work, and money is tight, time doesn’t fly. It drags, and it drags hard. I was lucky to have savings, but savings eventually run out. Stress climbs fast.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is pretty blunt: you can’t reach higher function when you’re struggling for the basics—food, water, shelter. That’s where many people waiting for disability checks live: survival mode. Sure, I’ve had savings, but they’re meager. Keeping afloat is functional, but precarious. One unexpected expense and it all falls apart.

And then there’s the absurdity of daily life. For example, I bought a home warranty. It’s useful to spread out expenses rather than paying thousands when something breaks. I know the due date: the 18th of each month. How do I know? Because on the 19th, if it isn’t paid, I get five to eight phone calls a day. I’m not exaggerating. Even after talking to them, explaining my fixed-income situation, and setting boundaries, the calls start again at 8 a.m. sharp. One rep even asked me if anything had changed since yesterday. No, it hadn’t.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Financial strain weighs on every aspect of life. Maslow didn’t lie—when survival is threatened, you can’t focus on anything else.

For your sanity, always remember the love of your dog and Mom.